Hidden (United Pursuit, Will Reagan)

I woke up this morning with tears running down my face. I had a dream, and the last line before I woke up was, "I never thought I'd have to hide again."

It. Wrecked. Me. As I was laying there, tears just falling, I asked Abba what that meant & He brought me to an encounter. All these different situations flashed before my eyes, like a quick trailer. I saw myself holding my heart in my hands. As I held my heart, different people flashed in front of me while I asked the question, "Will you hold my heart, too?"

Each time, someone would reach out, smile, take my heart and crush it in their bare hands. It kept happening over and over again. Each time, I'd draw my heart closer to my body. As I looked down, this flame appeared inside of me that I could FEEL. Each time my heart was crushed, the flame got smaller until it became a whisper of smoke. In my hands was a shattered heart, pieces hard as stone yet smoldering in a pile of ashes.

I then looked up at Jesus, who appeared in front of me. With tears streaming down my face, my hands holding my shattered heart and the ashes of who I was, I asked Him, "Will You crush my heart, too?"

He knelt down so tenderly, cupped my hands, looked me in the eyes & said, "No, beautiful one. I'm here to make it whole so you can be raised from these ashes. I'm here to hide your heart in Mine. I'm here to let you know you can trust Me. I needed your heart so broken so you could let Me in, completely & fully, to do the work I have for you."

As I sit here, I am snot crying & trying hard not to sob. (Hubs is asleep still. 😇) I have this deep, physical pain right where my heart is. It feels like someone has cracked my ribs open. Where my heart is physically, there's a throbbing; I can't seem to catch my breath. 

I again heard Abba. "It's time for your surgery. Are you ready?" I stretched out my hands, Jesus now standing behind me, cupping my hands in His. As I lifted my hands with the broken pieces of my heart, ashes all around, Abba gently kneeled down, took our hands in His & looked at me with so much love in His eyes. 

As He looked at me, I couldn't stand. As I began to fall, Jesus & Abba never let my hands go, always holding my heart in their hands. With tears streaming down my face while looking at Him in childlike wonder, I told Him, "I can hide my heart in You. You truly are trustworthy of my heart and all I am. Will You hold my heart?"

All 3 of us now had tears running down our faces. This time, these were tears of joy and quiet relief. I heard His sigh of contentment as He said, "I've always had it. I was waiting for you to willingly give the deepest, buried wound & breaking to Me. You don't have to carry it anymore."

He then reached down into my cupped hands with His finger & removed this tiny, dull black grain of sand. As He removed it, I felt the physical pain in my heart begin to lessen & I was able to breathe again. Jesus then stood in front of me & stated, "This, My love, was what was killing you. It's Ours now. My heart is your heart. Your heart is My heart. Will you let Me hide your heart in Mine?"

I looked down. In my hands was this beautiful new heart. Colors of purple, gold, teal, blue, pink, green & yellow were swirling all over my heart. I couldn't help but look up in awe & whisper, "It's so beautiful."

He gently smiled at me. "Yes, My love, it is." 

I slowly raised my hands up to Him & said, "Here, Abba. Take my heart. You will always keep me safe."

This encounter has WRECKED me. I can't stop crying, nor do I really want to right now. I've felt things coming to a head for awhile now, but I hadn't been completely able to pinpoint the deepest root. He has healed me from so much, but I've known there was more to come. (Why is healing like onion layers?! 😭) So of course I turn to music. As I was trying to find something that would speak to my heart specifically, that's when "Hidden" from United Pursuit popped up.

Now I am hidden in the safety of Your love.

I trust Your heart and Your intentions.

Trust You completely. I'm listening intently.

You'll guide me through these many shadows.